Message from the office
Narcissism seems to be more prevalent today than it ever was and I’m not sure if it is because the world at large is more aware of it, if it is more often diagnosed or whether it is because we as parents are promoting an environment that allows our children to develop narcissistic traits.
A narcissistic personality is characterized by someone who is self- indulgent, lacks empathy and who has an inflated sense of their self- importance and entitlement.
Although I acknowledge that there is far more to narcissism and the
relationship between it and one’s upbringing, I thought the article ‘7 ways to nip narcissism in the bud’ from
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/03/11/7-ways-to-nip-narcissism-in-the-bud/ highlights the ways in how not to instill this in our children.
‘Have you heard? There’s a new study creating quite a buzz, probably among your friends too: It found that parents have a key role in whether their children become little despots. The findings found that parents who “overvalue” their children between the ages of 7 and 11 raised children who scored higher on tests of narcissism. In other words, parents who described their offspring as “more special than other children” and as deserving “something extra in life” had kids who think they’re God’s gift to the world.
“Children believe it when their parents tell them that they are more special than others,” said Brad Bushman, co-author of the study and professor of communication and psychology at The Ohio State University. “That may not be good for them or for society.”
It comes as no surprise that having children who think they are better than everyone else at anything they do isn’t a good thing—for the children themselves and for society at large. And children can attest, parents are some of the worst when it comes to bragging about their children’s achievements.
What struck me the most about the study was that in helping our children develop a healthy self-esteem, we can so easily slip into overvaluing their performances, which can then lead to a narcissistic attitude. As Eddie Brummelman, lead author of the study and a postdoctoral researcher at the University of Amsterdam put it, “Rather than raising self-esteem, overvaluing practices may inadvertently raise levels of narcissism.” Parents should read the findings as a warning that labeling their kids as “extra special” may not be the self-esteem booster previously thought. “When I first started doing this research in the 1990s, I used to think my children should be treated like they were extra-special,” said Brummelman. “I’m careful not to do that now.” Here are seven ways we as parents can keep narcissism at bay in our kids and avoid overusing praise.
1. Love your kids, warts and all. The more we view our children as flawed (like we ourselves are), the more we will be able to love them in their imperfect state. None of us are perfect, and when we can accept that our children are not all geniuses or the next great sports star—that they are, in fact, wonderfully ordinary and average—we will be able to relax and enjoy them for who they are right now. The ability to recognize failings and to still love and accept them is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.
2. Stick to the point with your praise. Think about how you feel when someone says, “Good job!” as opposed to “You really nailed that presentation by including those questions at the end. Gave us something to think about going forward with this project.” General praise is much less meaningful than a compliment on a certain achievement. Our children are no different. When we are as precise as possible in our compliments, we tell them that we truly appreciate—and recognize—their effort.
3. Praise the present. When we talk in terms of “always” or “never,” we negate the effort right in front of us. We also mar the satisfaction in a job well done if that job is lumped in with the past and future. This means we shouldn’t tell our kids, “You always do such a nice job” when referring to their room cleaning. What we should say is something like, “You did a good job on your room today.” That anchors the praise in the present and shows the child it’s his current effort that’s being complimented, not his general achievement.
4. Be sparing, but not a miser, with your praise. Kids don’t need a lot of praise to build their self-esteem. The more you praise, the more the child craves compliments. When your child has had an overload of praise, she will start to crave it by asking you to compliment every effort she makes. Over-praising can also lead to a child viewing your compliments as meaningless and not special. Striking a good balance between too much and too little praise can be difficult but well worth the effort on our part.
5. Praise what is worthy of complimenting. More often than not, we tend to not think about what we’re praising for our children. I’m as apt to toss off a generic, “Oh, great job, dear,” as I am to truly think about why I’m complimenting my son’s effort. If we praise everything a child does, the praise loses its effectiveness. If we praise nothing a child does, their self-esteem can suffer. Again, the middle ground is our friend in terms of praise-worthy actions and efforts. For example, rather than praising every good grade on a test in a subject that’s easy for your child, praise the effort it took to finish a particularly difficult math worksheet. By using our praise judiciously, we help our children see that hard work pays off, that they are not special above all others, and that they have faults just like everyone else.
6. Teach the Golden Rule. The concept of treating others as you would like to be treated has taken a beating in today’s all-about-me culture, but it’s, ahem, golden in helping kids not think too highly of themselves. Have your kids memorize “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” and use it to check motivations, actions and attitudes in their lives. This can be prescriptive against letting narcissism take root in their lives. When we think of others in terms of ourselves, we naturally are not putting ourselves on a higher plane above them and their needs. The Golden Rule helps to ground our children in a life of thinking of others.
7. Walk in their shoes. Along with the Golden Rule is the ability to empathize with others—the flip side of narcissism. The more we can guide our children in thinking about how the situation looks from the other person’s point of view, the less likely they will develop an attitude of superiority. By pointing out how the other person might feel or why the other person might have acted a certain way, we help our kids think through situations with compassion rather than a “what’s-in-it-for-me” outlook.
These are just some of the ways we can work with our children to have a healthy, open-handed approach to life, one that will embrace others as worthy of empathy and compassion. The more we can help our children see their limitations, embrace their abilities, and view others as worthy companions in their lives, the more we will help our children become happy, productive members of society.
Extramurals
Please note that we have shortened our school day to not only allow for our girls to study for exams but to also have some time to be physically active during the exam weeks. Physical activity is essential for our girls’ bodies and minds and helps improve energy levels, relieve stress and improve their moods. It also helps make one more focused and think more clearly as it helps to deliver oxygen to the brain and related tissues that support memory, focus and mental concentration. It also improves one’s self esteem and helps one sleep better. All of which is so important during exams, particularly when one can become overly sedentary while studying. Our extramural programme allows for a healthy break between classes and when they need to settle to study in the afternoons.
We are however closely watching the rise in Covid-19 cases in Makhanda, and with this in mind we have reduced the amount of days our girls will have sport without eliminating it altogether. We will re-evaluate this situation and our extramural programme on a weekly basis. Participation in our extramural programme is compulsory.
The extramural programme for next week accompanies this newsletter.
TIMES FOR IP (Grade 4-7) FOR EXAMINATIONS
Please note the following times that we will follow until Friday, 25 June to accommodate the examinations. Please note that every teaching day counts. Not only will we continue with lessons after each exam in the morning, we will continue with our syllabus after the exam weeks end. Teaching will continue from 25 June – 9 July 2021. Your daughters must attend school until the 9th of July.
The Pre-Primary (Gr 00&R) and Foundation Phase (Grade 1-3) will continue with normal times.
07:00-07:40: Screening (arrive at school by 07:35 at the latest)
12:45: Home time for girls who do not have extramurals
13:00-14:00: Extramurals & Intervention sessions (some intervention
sessions end at 14:45)
| EXAM TIMETABLE | ||||
| Mon. 14 June
Exam Gr 4-7: Maths paper 1&2 |
Tues. 15 June Exams
Gr 4-7: Afr/Xho Comp.&Lang. Gr 7: EMS |
Wed. 16 June
Youth Day NO SCHOOL |
Thurs. 17 June
Exam Gr 4-7: NS |
Friday, 18 June Exam
Gr 4-7: English Comp.& Lang. |
| Mon. 21 June Exams
Gr 4-6: Life Skills Gr 7: LO Gr 7: Tech. |
Tues. 22 June
Exam Gr 4-7:Geography |
Wed. 23 June Exam
Gr 7: Art Grade 4-6: History revision |
Thurs. 24 June Exam
Gr 4-7: History |
YAY!
EXAMS ARE FINISHED! |
Personality of the Week
Micarlin Daniels for Kindness and Consideration. Thank you, Micarlin for caring for others!
Ndlulamthi Badge of Excellence
Azile Hambaze was awarded her badge this week as she is noted for her
dedication and for being a polite and respectful pupil. She is exceptionally hard working and her neatness and attention to detail in her academics is commended. Azile is also committed to her extra mural activities. Well done, Azile, you are a beautiful example of an exemplary VP girl.
Merits
The following girls have received over 250 merits so far this year: Aqhama Mamani, Joylyn Chikiwa, Faye Jordaan, Asavela Mtuze, Megan Peinke and Liyabona Mbutye. Well done and keep it up!
Birthday wishes
The following girls celebrate their birthdays next week: Bridget Akpeng, Tariro Chikafa, Rachel de la Mare, Layola Loliwe, Skyla Davies, Zothando Mzileni, Owami Shabalala, Sibonokuhle Benge, Sinesipho Mafani and Zinathi Mabunda. Have a very happy birthday!
Art project donations. Ms Ebel has asked for donation of large yoghurt containers and items such as fabric, beads, glitter, string etc that can be used as texture for the Grade 5 art project next term. If you have items such as these please drop them off at the office or your daughter can give them to Ms Ebel directly.
Albany Bread “collect a bag” competition. We have already collected over 350 Albany bread bags! Please keep sending them in.
Warm regards
Mrs M Rafferty
Principal
| UPCOMING DATES
Wednesday, 16 June ……..Youth Day (Public Holiday) NO SCHOOL
|
environment for your girls to focus and learn. If possible, give her a designated area where she can sit comfortably (but not too comfortably) to make notes and learn. She needs an area that is free from distractions such as the TV, loud music and conversations. Make sure there is good lighting too.
Our Grade 4 and 5 girls especially need guidance on how to study but so too do some of our older girls. Many girls would benefit from a bit of guidance and assistance at home. Help your daughter to make notes (different colours and highlighters make it fun) and show her how to make use of mind maps, acronyms, rhymes or pictures to help guide her through the content. Then ask her questions to see if she has understood and remembered what she has learnt.
Please note that every teaching day counts. Not only will we continue with lessons after each exam in the morning, we will continue with our syllabus after the exam week ends. Teaching will continue from 25 June – 9 July 2021. Your daughters must attend school until this date.
The following girls have received over 250 merits so far this year: Azile Hambaze, Daniella Mclean, Sophie Büttner, Gracie Chitsike, Tatum Jacobs, Iyonke Nogqala, Gabi-Li Doyle and Philasande Sandi. Well done and keep it up!
piano to our school. This instrument will be put to good use and will benefit VP girls for many years to come.
The following teacher and girls celebrate their birthdays next week Ms Knott-Craig, Chenoa du Toit, Aphiwe Bota, Ada Gontshi, Saskia van Wyk, Ashante Sinyanya, Tamsyn Hutchinson, Limile Mlonzi and Rachel Wilhelmi. Have a very happy birthday!
Many of our girls are on social media and this is a decision you as parents have made. It is imperative that when allowing your daughters to be on social media you also provide them with guidance about what is acceptable to post, and what is considered a form of victimisation and bullying.
Thank you for supporting our Slipper Day, with your help we managed to raise R5350 towards the Reach for a Dream Foundation!
GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
that they are doing so. Not everyone is cut out to be sports stars but it makes sense that if you are fit, a healthy weight and active, that you will be able to focus on and manage the demands of daily life and tire less during the day. It also has the added benefit of boosting your self-confidence.
Reduce inactive screen time. Sitting for hours at a time, while using computers, hand-held devices, music players, or TVs, may reduce your child’s active playtime. Do not use screen time to reward your child.
The Mini Maestros competition (for our younger musicians) takes place next week, and t-shirts have been delivered to the performers. Ms. Hanslo and Mr. Wynne will record the girls’ performances on Wednesday afternoon (26 May) straight after school. All performers may come to school in their mini maestros t-shirts and jeans on Wednesday. We anticipate that they will be finished by 14:30 and can be collected from the Beaufort Street entrance.
MUSIC
Many thanks to Micarlin Daniels and Lianke Cordier, who both donated Holly Webb books to the library. Also thanks to Luminathi Mpaphla who donated two Roald Dahl books. All these books will be kept safely until we can return to the library.
Lashante Rama, Landisiwe Siqwede, Amahle Madubula, Misha Potts, Abenathi Kulati, Owam Ncita, Zaydiah Adler, Lande Gxina and Riley-Anne Knott-Craig. Have a very happy birthday!
It is so important to all those whom you love that you take the time to greet them with love and enthusiasm. There’s nothing nicer than arriving home and you are greeted with exceptional joy!
there’s always an exciting new person around the corner that you are going to meet and who will affirm you. Don’t let your thoughts linger on those who don’t for more than a second.
When you see others fighting and there is discourse, only the foolish will join in the fight. Continue walking and ignore. Don’t take on other’s fights, you may end up more injured than those who were fighting in the first place.
words of advice, we just need to be present to make them feel better.
Find the time every day to give your loved ones a hug and a tickle. Especially during this time when physical contact is not allowed. Make a conscious effort to have a cuddle at home with your family more often than we ever did. The soul longs and needs to feel the physical touch of loved ones.
It is unfair on your daughter as she then arrives at school anxious and unsettled and it will take her at least 30 minutes before this anxiety subsides and she is calm enough to learn. It also interrupts all the other girls who now have to halt their lesson as the late child arriving to class then needs to be accommodated. It is also not okay that our office staff then have to take on the duty of screening when they should be doing their many administration duties. We understand that we all have the odd bad morning but if this is a regular occurrence we appeal to you to start making a conscious effort to make some changes to your morning routine; set your alarm (earlier), get up earlier, get the clothes and bags ready the day before and ensure that your little girl can arrive relaxed and ready to learn.
We are very excited to resume choir rehearsals next week. Kindly note that the lists of choir member’s names have been displayed on the music notice board, and we encourage girls to check these lists carefully. We appeal to all choir members to be prompt for their rehearsals.
The following staff and girls celebrate their birthdays this and next week: Mrs Wilhelmi, Mrs Andrews, Mr Yaka, Zingce Mjuleni, Linomtha Skeyi, Lunje Manzana, Lulodwa Siko, Asanele Mvela, Kelly Thorne, Asavela Mtuze, Milisuthando Nkayi, Zimvozethu Ndungane, Anopa-Nyasha Thondhlana, Abby Jass, Jayla Frans, Zozibini Gamlashe, Mbalentle Khumalo, Buhle Koliti, Zukhanye Ntlabati, Emihle Siwa, Ruve White, Zonique White, Angawo Zono, Esihle Mqhulwa. Have a very happy birthday!
different places for us to spend “quality time” with them. But more often than not, all your daughter needs is your undivided attention and moments of just being together. Make the time to just be.
Money will never be the basis of a meaningful relationship, your time, effort and genuine joy to be with her, is what your daughter needs to affirm her value and worth. This time spent will be the foundation of a lifelong trusting relationship between parent and child, as well as being essential for nurturing self-love in our girls.
Daniella Maclean for perseverance and hard work as the youngest member of the VP swimming team.
Looking forward to seeing you in your Slippers, proving that NOT ALL HEROES WEAR CAPES!
Happy Birthday
them to the office.
We are concerned by the increase of the number of girls who are arriving late for school even though we are starting later than we used to, we request that you ensure that you get up earlier and get to school on time next term. Girls should not be arriving later than 07:35. We also request that your daughters get fetched timeously after school or once their extramural has ended.
A special thank you to everyone who donated Easter eggs for charity. Round Table was able to donate to many charities and homes in Makhanda, due to your generosity.
stickers. If you would like to bring slippers to school to wear for the day (on the 7th of May) without buying a sticker you may do so for a R10 donation. All the proceeds will go to Reach for a Dream – an organization that strives to fulfill the dreams of children who are suffering from life threatening illnesses. Note to parents: If you buy a sticker you can claim a free Wimpy filter coffee on Slipper Day (7 May). Looking forward to seeing you in your Slippers, proving that NOT ALL HEROES WEAR CAPES!
which my children didn’t always appreciate (which seemed to make him do it even more) and I remember he often used to fall asleep before they did, but it was a wonderful bonding time that we had with our children. My children still talk about their favourite stories which they often asked us to read again and again. Our reading was the quiet time with just us and them and the best way to get ready for bed.
Farewell: We are very sad to be saying good-bye to Mrs Cox at the end of this term. She will be joining her husband in East London who was transferred at the beginning of the year. Ju-ann joined us in 2015 as a first year teacher and she has grown to be a most valuable and dedicated member of staff. We will miss her greatly and wish her all the best at her new school.
didn’t all attend the first round. All U12 netball girls must attend, the blue group will need to come into school at 12:50 to be screened at the hall foyer with Ms Denston. It is compulsory for U12 and U13 girls to choose either hockey or netball.
kindness. He compared our lives to a blank canvas, and that through our actions and deeds, we create our own masterpieces. We can colour it with kindness and thoughtfulness or leave it bland with negativity and unkind thoughts, actions and words.
I challenge you too (I know this can be a real challenge) to try to focus on the positive and spend less time addressing the negative with each other. I was having a really challenging time with my now eighteen year old son and our interactions seemed to always end up in arguments. He was the one that pointed out to me that I was only ever correcting him and he told me how that made him feel. Since that discussion our relationship has improved in leaps and bounds and he is a much, much happier person since I have chosen to simply focus on the good. If things are really bad, they do need to be addressed, but if they really do not matter in the bigger scheme of things it could be worth ignoring in order to provide an environment where our children don’t always feel under scrutiny. It is important for our children to feel safe and appreciated at home. As Rebecca Eane said “So often, children are punished for being human. They are not allowed to have grumpy moods, bad days, disrespectful tones, or bad attitudes. Yet, we adults have them all the time. None of us are perfect. We must stop holding our children to a higher standard of perfection than we can attain ourselves. ”
Personality of the Week
13h00. There will be no extra murals on Thursday afternoon. It is also our boarders’ Leave Out this weekend, they will leave on Thursday and return to hostel on Monday from 14:00. School will re- open on Tuesday, 6 April. We wish you a blessed weekend and we hope that you enjoy some quality time with your daughters.
from life threatening illnesses. Note to parents: Buy a sticker and you can claim a free Wimpy filter coffee on Slipper Day (7 May). Looking forward to seeing you in your Slippers, proving that NOT ALL HEROES WEAR CAPES!
The following girls will be celebrating their birthdays this coming week: Azile Hambaze, Kayleah Evans, Mbali Maxhaulana, Unam Mazwi, Hluma Mbiko, Carla Frazer, Phumelela Macetyana, Lisakhe Mcilongo, Alexis Killian, Uviwe Ngcizela, Thobile Willy, Sivuze Xamleko and Limi Xipu. We hope your day will be very special!